"Word Picture" Drabbles

[Distracted]

This is the problem I have with my 'guess' drabbles - what seems obvious to me seems completely unfathomable to other people. I guess this says something about my ability to paint a picture in words

It's much more likely that it says something about my impending Alzheimer's.

Yay! Warpgirl to the rescue!

[WarpGirl]

Not me, it's Panyasan.

[Silverbullet]

Dis, if you describe a scene that has been shown on creen you already have a scene painted for you by th camera. all that need be done is put it into words an easy task. The camera is better in this case.

Now, if you were to ask for a scene not seen on tnhe screen involving the characters. One that the writers has to describe in words which allows the reader to see that scene in his/her mind that would be a challenge. Not easy at all. Example

Sceme from Enterprise "Over there" (Camera moves over to show "over there." A man is seen crouching underneath a bush. The viewer sees it because the came has sown it.

Descriptive writing (as was done in the days of Radio.

"Look over there, a man croucing under a bush next to the car."

Listener can see the man croucing under a bush next to a car in his/her minds eye. The radio writer need not say "The man with Sandy hair, wearing a plaid shirt and khaki trousers crouced under e peony bush next to that Cvevrolet. The listener can fill in those items.

I hope I am being clear on this.


Challege is to write a scene that allows the reader to see the scne in his mind and can say wht he has seen as that scene. If the reader gets it correctly then the writer has succeded. No need to guess who, what, where. Just describe the scene he/she saw in his/hers mind's eye correctly

"Ah shucks, I got this messed up. If I could write an example it would be far better. Damn

SB

[Distracted]

Not me, it's Panyasan.

And THIS is the proof of my senility.

You're still not getting it, SB. What you're describing is still dialogue. What I'm trying to encourage are those descriptive passages in between the dialogue, where the author is describing the character's facial expressions, surroundings, and inner feelings. What you're writing is more like a screenplay than a story. I don't want you to rely on your readers' imaginations to "fill in the blanks". I want you to describe what you're seeing in your head as the scene plays out, like a running commentary.

A good way to practice is to "narrate your day" to yourself in the third person. ie: "He woke that morning to the smell of coffee. The wife must have remembered to turn on the coffee maker. It was going to be a good day, despite everything. He could see the sunlight shining though the window with his good eye, and it hardly hurt at all to roll out of bed. " Stuff like that.

[WarpGirl]

I can't get the word count thing to work. <sigh> You know it's funny, usually people tell me I do too much discriptive stuff. But it's nice to have someone set up a challenge to practice.

Dis you can't be losing it, I do that stuff all the time. I just pretend I'm a blond... Ok I'm kidding!

[panyasan]

Here is my word picture drabble (100 words, including the title).

Tongue in cheek

Its smell was agreeable. It produced pleasurable sensations on her tongue.
When days passed by, she wanted to try it again. She rebuked herself for her illogical desire. However, it would help her to relate to the human experience.
So she sneaked into the mess hall to have another piece. Followed by another and another.
It wasn't without consequences. She didn't know what was more uncomfortable: the instrument in her mouth, that horrible drilling sound or him talking to her without be able to answer with her mouth wide open. She would never eat pecan pie again.

EDIT: I forgot about rule 2, so I made a small change.

[Distracted]

LOL. Excellent. You broke the rules, though. You used a name.

No biggie. Terrific drabble. I'm pretty sure it's T'Pol.

[WarpGirl]

I remember that one! Wasn't it in Dear Doctor where T'Pol got her cavity, and you assume it was the pecan pie that she got hooked on after Breaking the Ice. I can't check right now. But good drabble.

DANG! Dis got there first!

[Distracted]

I guess it's my turn. This one should be blatantly obvious. If it's not, you should turn in your TnT fan card immediately...



The silky material slithered over her hips and pooled at her feet. His lips were still tingling from that mind-blowing kiss, and now she was standing there. Completely naked.

His mind refused to process the thought. He licked suddenly dry lips, his eyes fixed on her firm, rounded, oh so delectable…

He wrenched his gaze away to look at her face. This wasn’t making sense. There was something wrong; he knew it. Her eyes were huge; she was practically panting. He opened his mouth, but then she stepped forward and touched him. In that moment, he forgot how to speak.

[WarpGirl]

<insert sarcasm> Oooh Trip and T'Pol in Harbinger my favorite! <end sarcasm> So can I go now, I've worked on this for quite a while! Pleeeeeeze?

[Distracted]

Go fer it, gal.

[WarpGirl]

This was rediculous on every level! Here she was trapped on this stinking disgusting ship where it's crew would as soon kill you as they would look at you. The only good thing she could think of at the moment was that the crew was incapacitated. Of course they were a short time away from being disintigrated soon. So here she was trapped in a dangerous place listening to her superior officers debated verious solutions. Who cared about debate now?! If they didn't do something soon they'd die anyway. The solution was right there, she knew it! Time to speak.

[Cogito]

I say we try the weapons.

[WarpGirl]

In the words of Fiona Glenanne "Nothing turns a woman on more than when something goes BOOM!"

[panyasan]

I guess it's my turn.

Yip, you guessed it. It was T'Pol eating too much pecan so she had to go the dentist Phlox.