Star Trek: Foundations (temp thread)

[CX]

I went over 1x09 and corrected a few mistakes that I found and reposted it. If anyone finds anything else, I'd be much abliged if you let me know about it.

[CX]

“Party Lines” Foundations episode #10. Story by Alex Z. and Erik Gustav Hanska. Screenplay by Alex Z. Script first released on 25 May 2007.
17 December 2152. A chance meeting with an old "ally" leads to a tense stand-off for the crew of Enterprise.

[Kevin Thomas Riley]

Much better! I find your take on the Andorians as commies interesting. And this rebellion also makes sense. In many ways I was hoping that Archer would side with them ('cause I loathe communism).

Shran isn't such a likeable character here as he was on ENT, but perhaps that will change. I don't know what you've planned, but I can see him and some other Andorians eventually begin to question their system. Talas seemed to be intrigued by the humans - and one particular human.

Hehe, I liked that you kept this Reed/Talas thing. That could be interesting in further stories. I never liked that they abandoned that on ENT just to toss her with Shran and then kill her off as a plot device for an unnecessary duel.

Intoxicated Shran was good, and I could easily visualize his antennae curling up!

The conclusion was a bit like a dues ex machina though. They were just lucky that Andorian reinforcements showed up. I had hoped that Archer would have initiated some discussions with the rebels, and that Shran would just have to accept that since he would have little choice.

I'll give this a grade of 7+ T'Bums, almost 8.

[CX]

Much better! I find your take on the Andorians as commies interesting. And this rebellion also makes sense. In many ways I was hoping that Archer would side with them ('cause I loathe communism).

The thing to keep in mind is that this isn't the communism that we know from Earth, it's simply the closest comparison to something we're familiar with. Plus, I kind of want people to think about this, because there is an underlying comparison being made here. Don't like communism? Good. But does that mean we should automatically side with the rebels?

Shran isn't such a likeable character here as he was on ENT, but perhaps that will change. I don't know what you've planned, but I can see him and some other Andorians eventually begin to question their system.

Maybe, maybe not. As I explain in the series intro, some characters are pretty similiar to their ENT-verse counterparts, but others aren't. Trust doesn't develop very quickly when there are such cultural differences involved, not to mention that Shran's first experiance with Enterprise and Archer wasn't exactly a pleasant one. Shran also has quite a bit on his plate at this point in time, but we will see him and the civil war he's fighting again, just not this season.

Talas seemed to be intrigued by the humans - and one particular human.

Heh, I was almost worried that might have been too subtle to catch.

Intoxicated Shran was good, and I could easily visualize his antennae curling up!

Yes, Alex's writing skills are definately showing growth. Pretty good for someone with another year left of high school yet, especially since he only started in 2004 or 2005 with my Endeavour series.

The conclusion was a bit like a dues ex machina though. They were just lucky that Andorian reinforcements showed up. I had hoped that Archer would have initiated some discussions with the rebels, and that Shran would just have to accept that since he would have little choice.

The thing about that is, sometimes you just can't do that. After all, Enterprise is just one little ship and the rebels weren't intereted in talking since they saw that Enterprise was aiding the Kumari. As cliched as it was that they just got lucky with more Andorian ships showing up, I think that's better than the cliched insta-trust that seems to be a staple of the canon series, IMO, so that's what we ended up going with. Plus, only so much room in one episode.

[Dinah]

Okay, guys, I know that I'm way behind, but I just finished "Rubicon" and "Flashpoint." I really enjoyed both scripts. You are to be commended for tackling such an ambitious project. I like what you're doing with the characters. And the whole set-up at Alpha Centauri sounds very true to life. How many conflicts have been started over the years because people refuse to sit down and discuss the situation and accept that they may have to make some compromises? I like the set up with the fleet, and I like General Bernard. Archer is coming across as a much more competent leader. You can believe that he is the type of man who could someday be instrumental in founding the Federation.

There's only one thing that I didn't particularly care for -- and that was toward the end of "Flashpoint." As soon as Starfleet and the Vulcans started to face off and Archer's struggling to find a last-ditch way to stop the war, I saw it coming. I hoped I was wrong...but I wasn't. Archer put Enterprise between the Earth and Vulcan ships. I wanted to scream, "No!," but the location just wasn't right. The first thing that popped into my mind was, "the only way we can get Super Archer is to diminish the other characters." I know that isn't a fair assessment, because it, in fact, diminished no one in the script, but I was thinking about the storyline in relation to the television show.

Putting Enterprise between the Vulcans and Andorians -- not once but twice -- was one of the hallmarks of Tucker's stints as captain. He stopped a war twice and never got a lick of credit for his efforts. Now, if you decide at some future time to retain that in any of your stories, Trip can no longer be considered a daring and innovative commander. He's just been shown the way by the great Jonathan Archer. Trip -- and all the other characters, for that matter -- got so little credit for his command abilities that I just hated to see one of his few accomplishments stripped from him.

I hope you take this criticism as just a minor ripple in a very positive pond. I'm really looking forward to reading your other stories.

[CX]

I pretty much take that one because it is a pretty cliched maneuver. Truth is we couldn't really think of another way to bring them back from the brink - making Bernard choose between obeying orders by firing on Enterprise or to disobey those orders basically. I'm glad that you're liking it so far though.

[Rigil Kent]

Yeah. It's his fault.

[CX]

“Soli” Foundations episode #11. Story by Rigil Kent and Erik Gustav Hanska. Screenplay by Rigil Kent. Script first released on 8 June 2007.
7 January 2153. T’Pol makes a status report to Ambassador Soval regarding recent events aboard Enterprise.

[krn]

NOOOOO! You can't leave me hanging like this! Dammit! *@!%! #!&*@! I oughta @*!&$! God*!#!%@! I'm gonna *#&%!

serenity now.... serenity now....

So... I think that was my favorite episode. Not only do we get quality TnT, but it's just a great T'Pol POV episode all around. Trip takin' Archer to task for mistreating her, the crew disrespecting her, Reed and Sato going to Trip because they know he doesn't listen to her. And then Archer goes off and does something insanely stupid anyway. Love that Trip plays the violin (well, fiddle ). I'm curious to see how T'Lyr fits in with T'Pol's letter. Another gold brick Rigil.

And the next episode airs... when?

[TSara]

NOOOOO! You can't leave me hanging like this! Dammit! *@!%! #!&*@! I oughta @*!&$! God*!#!%@! I'm gonna *#&%!

serenity now.... serenity now....

So... I think that was my favorite episode. Not only do we get quality TnT, but it's just a great T'Pol POV episode all around. Trip takin' Archer to task for mistreating her, the crew disrespecting her, Reed and Sato going to Trip because they know he doesn't listen to her. And then Archer goes off and does something insanely stupid anyway. Love that Trip plays the violin (well, fiddle ). I'm curious to see how T'Lyr fits in with T'Pol's letter. Another gold brick Rigil.

And the next episode airs... when?

I agree!

Awesome episode.....NOW hurry up and write the next one damn it! LOL

[Rigil Kent]

Love that Trip plays the violin (well, fiddle ).

He plays the violin. The fiddle comment was him making fun of the usual stereotype of a "good ole boy."

Tambourin Chinois on Barnes & Noble (not the full version)

Tambourin Chinois on YouTube if that doesn't work.

[krn]

Geez - so much for a simple ditty. Guess Trip excels in all he does - weither it be warp field mechanics or violin solos.

So... next episode? (I'm willing to give you a repreave from Grendel for part 2 of Soli. I know, how generous of me. )

[Rigil Kent]

So... next episode? (I'm willing to give you a repreave from Grendel for part 2 of Soli. I know, how generous of me. )

The next part is titled Bicinium and comes out after "mid-season" hiatus is over. I can't remember when that is (CX will know)...

[CX]

Mid-September.

[blacknblue]

Love that Trip plays the violin (well, fiddle ).

He plays the violin. The fiddle comment was him making fun of the usual stereotype of a "good ole boy."

Tambourin Chinois on Barnes & Noble (not the full version)

Tambourin Chinois on YouTube if that doesn't work.

That is some seriously beautiful music.

I like this one. Sure you can't get the next installment out sooner? I mean, it isn't like you have to play the economic games that Hollywood has to deal with.