Do you believe in love at first sight

[Bether6074]

Here's a link. http://www.oxytocin.org/oxytoc/love-science.html

[Aquarius]

I believe in it. I experienced it once. We never acted on it, it was inappropriate.

[anaM]

I believe in it as an ideal. I don't think I ever experienced it.
I have felt strong reaction to a physical presence, strong dislike that turned to attraction and then to love, but in the -very rare- occasions I believed I was in love at first sight, my feelings were so shallow that died right away. Maybe I was unlucky...

[Linda]

Oops, late again to a conversation. I like what Distracted said on the subject at hand. And first sight can only be about SIGHT, i.e., what you see. You cannot know what is on the person's mind, how they think, what they feel inside. Unless of course you are a Vulcan with non-touch telepathy and Vulcans have strict rules about privacy. For a Vulcan would it be love at first mind touch?

[Bether6074]

I think there is a big difference between being "in love" and actually feeling a deep, enduring attachment kind of love for someone. I find all of this stuff pretty fascinating. I'm sure there are instances where one falls in love with someone who they eventually realize they are poorly matched with.

[justTripn]

There is the chemical reality that Bether is talking about, causing a certain set of feelings, and their is the meaning one gives to it. "Love at First Sight" is a perfectly valid way to describe this sort of experience. Does anyone doubt the "love at first sight" feeling some mothers have for their babies? Is anyone going to argue that mother/child love is not "real" being based on chemicals? Would anyone argue a mother can only experience a deep love for their baby once they get "get to know them better?"

See? I think the "Love at First Sight" reaction is a real thing with an evolutionary purpose--to get us matched up and having babies! So if you are single and experiencing it, wonderful, run with it! Of course if their is some reason you shouldn't run with it, well use your head and consider that chemical explanation . . .

[Bether6074]

Yeah, I never had that with my babies. Wish I could say that I did...It always made me feel kind of badly too. I wanted to feel that way, but it took time. I have no doubt that it happens, though.

I hope you're not cross with me.

Anyway, of course the "instant" attraction/love thing is real. I guess you're right in that it's how you perceive love. I was thinking more of deep, enduring, attachment love, not the heart pounding kind of stuff. I was thinking along the lines of Mulder/Scully DAL and not UST or RST.

The whole thing is evolutionary, though. I've even read that we're naturally physically attracted to types that we're better inclined to produce healthier babies with. Something about different DNA types...

Okay. I'll shut up now. But really you know me, I'm the biggest romantic sap there is! I was practicing my T'Pol inner voice. I have to keep my sappy inner-self grounded, you know, or else I'd be spewing purple prose poems all over the place.

[WarpGirl]

Technically mother/child bonding is not "instant" the rush of emotions that is common but not always there is the foundation of the bonding process. A catalyst if you will, for a mother child bond. But not the bond itslef. I think it works that way for love in any relationship. There's the inital rush of hormones that creates a catalyst for more.

But Bether you should absolutely not feel bad. Homones are tricky. And they can be hell.

[Alelou]

Eh, don't feel bad, Bether. I remember thinking my son looked like a a little alien or a weird miniature caricature of an old balding senator, complete with a set of appallingly huge man-organs, and what was the deal with those ears? (They were fine, they just have an odd little bend in them that nobody else notices). It took me at least an hour or two before I decided he was in fact the most delicious, adorable and handsome baby of all time.

I have no doubt JT did fall in love at first sight, though. She's much more of a natural born mom than I am.

[Kevin Thomas Riley]

I believe it can happen, that one can instantly fall in love with someone, but like has been said, there's another thing to form the kind of deep, long-lasting kind of love. Hopefully the insta-love can grow into the longsta-love.

However, I have never experienced "love at first sight".

[Silverbullet]

Does, being with some one for months, parting and never forgetting her. she is in your dreams and your thoughts almost daily? But it was impossible at the time so you parted ways and never saw one another again count? It was damned fast and very lasting. I wonder how many harbor the great love in their life who is not the one you married and spent the rest of your life with? Love at first sight can be that, a Great Love that was lost for some reason.

[prisocisor]

I'm going to weigh in on this one and say YES... I met my spunky little EK nearly 13 years ago, on a camping trip when we were but 16 years old... and we're still very much in love today

Having said that, I think Dis has it exaclty right: you can lay the foundation quickly (maybe REALLY quickly ), but for real long-term happiness together, you've gotta put in the time (and the effort!).

[Asso]

... you can lay the foundation quickly (maybe REALLY quickly ), but for real long-term happiness together, you've gotta put in the time (and the effort!).

Exactly. This sort of thing exists, and I, as also many others here, can testify to it.
But, obviously, it has to be nurtured.
On the other hand that's true for everything: you can have a very mathematical mind, but your brain must be exerted.

[justTripn]

I don't have much to add to what has been said, except YES I can confirm that Alelou's husband is quite handsome

And no, I didn't mean to imply that all mothers fall in love with their babies at first sight. Baby #1 was like that. I remember wondering at the fact that other mothers I saw pushing babies in their strollers didn't appear to be totally thrilled. Babies 2 and 3, who arrived together were quite overwhelming. I had to tough it out. Whenever I see a mother with infant twins, I offer my condolences and promise that it gets better once they are old enough to hold their own bottles. All three children turned out wonderful, so "love at first sight" is hardly crucial. BTW, babies and even toddlers don't get insincerity, so go ahead and tell them how happy you are to see them again when they get up from their nap *stupid end of my opprortunity to get anything done!* Hi dear!

And Silverbullet, I do think that the experience you mention is one to treasure, and falls into a category something like "love at first sight." It is the early, intense falling in love period.

[Bether6074]

I was very clueless with baby number one.

I did feel an immediate bond with my middle child, but I would call it more understanding and protectiveness than falling in love. My middle child is the one who has emotional/social difficulties and is the most like me. I think I sensed right away that she would really need me.

I adored all three very shortly after their birth. Still adore them...even though my son does show signs of being misanthropic.
I really hope it's just a teen thing. Sigh!