Sounds like you're writing poetry instead of a filk. Try a ghazal. There's a middle of the line rhyme in some of those, but that's almost impossible to do in English. Ghazals are an Indian poetic form, usually written in Hindi. I did a ghazal once (in English, of course), but I couldn't manage the rhyme in the middle of the line.
How to Write a Ghazal
The Bound Ghazal
by T'Pol of Vulcan
By cords of logic are my thoughts bound,
By ropes of duty, my future seems bound.
Six electrons resonating around six protons,
Carbon to carbon, all life is covalently bound.
I raise the hypospray and give way to emotion.
By exhilaration, joy and passion am I bound.
Rifts in spacetime create infinite possibilities...
Lives created, to which we are bound.
Genetic manipulation should not logically result
In a blue-eyed cherub. Where are we bound?
T'Pol asks... Why must I choose logic over passion?
He answers with a kiss, and logic is forgotten. We are bound.
The filk hotline
Moderators: justTripn, Elessar, dark_rain
-
- Site Donor
- Posts: 5036
- Joined: Fri Dec 22, 2006 1:19 am
- Show On Map: No
- Location: Lafayette, LA
Re: The filk hotline
sig by chrisis1033
Re: The filk hotline
Well it's still a filk because it's written to an existing tune, I just changed the rhyme scheme so basically it would be like the same tune but the lines would look like this I guess
That ghazal thing is confusing well I haven't read the whole page yet. But it's confusing me I don't know why. Maybe because it's kinda hard to find a "middle of the line" thing to rhyme when each line has like its own tempo and length, it's kinda like individual 2-line freeforms that the only rule is the last word in each has to be like the same that's what it looks like to me (but that's before actually reading the page just from reading the ghazals), so I guess it's kinda confusing me because that structure doesn't really look like it actually needs or asks for rhyming anywhere. I don't know I'm confused. Oh and the word "ghazal" kinda reminds me gazelles
Sometimes structures just really invite you to play
With the rhyme, I'd explain it if only I knew how to say
What I'm trying to say any better
So I post an example in hope it would show
What I try to explain, it's a pain 'cause my brain is so slow,
But with filks I can go on forever
That ghazal thing is confusing well I haven't read the whole page yet. But it's confusing me I don't know why. Maybe because it's kinda hard to find a "middle of the line" thing to rhyme when each line has like its own tempo and length, it's kinda like individual 2-line freeforms that the only rule is the last word in each has to be like the same that's what it looks like to me (but that's before actually reading the page just from reading the ghazals), so I guess it's kinda confusing me because that structure doesn't really look like it actually needs or asks for rhyming anywhere. I don't know I'm confused. Oh and the word "ghazal" kinda reminds me gazelles
-
- Site Donor
- Posts: 5036
- Joined: Fri Dec 22, 2006 1:19 am
- Show On Map: No
- Location: Lafayette, LA
Re: The filk hotline
I think I'll give it a try. "Talking to women," eh? Does that mean it was mostly love poetry?
It's flavored with passionfruit
an appropriate ingredient, don't you think?
Banner by JadziaKathryn
-
- Site Donor
- Posts: 5036
- Joined: Fri Dec 22, 2006 1:19 am
- Show On Map: No
- Location: Lafayette, LA
Re: The filk hotline
I saw another site which said that Persian ghazals were often written to an unattainable love interest who was sometimes a BOY. Gotta love those Persians!
sig by chrisis1033
Re: The filk hotline
I'm not surprised. Probably quite often a boy.
It's flavored with passionfruit
an appropriate ingredient, don't you think?
Banner by JadziaKathryn
Who is online
Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 121 guests