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BACKGROUND:
During an article about rats migrating west into Alberta (the province next door to mine; think 'state'), one of my favourite reporters put this bit of satire into his article. These two British Columbians (my province) find an Albertan in the rat trap in their basement. Alberta is full of cattle and farms and oil. BC has got Vancouver and Victoria, and trees and skiing and weed.

We were almost asleep when the snap of the trap in the basement sent us scurrying downstairs.

She was the first to spot it, over by the camping gear, pinned by the metal bar that cracked its back when it went for the bait. “Oh that’s gross,” she said. “It’s all redeyed and hairy. See the size of it?”

“It’s a big one,” I agreed. “Looks like an adult male.”

She blanched, shuddered. “Is it ...?”

“Yes,” I said. “It’s an Albertan.”

“Are you sure?”

“White cowboy hat, Yosemite Sam belt buckle, can of Copenhagen in the back pocket — yes, it’s an Albertan, all right.” For confirmation, I pulled out its wallet, flipped through the contents: Sure enough, a picture of Jarome Iginla where the wife should be.

“How did it get here?” she asked.

“Probably in a grain car,” I said. “Or maybe it flew in on WestJet.”

She wrinkled her nose. “What’s that smell?”

“Rye whisky. Oil. Sweat. Success.”

She peered closer at the unmoving figure on the basement floor. “I feel sorry for it,” she said. “They don’t seem as nasty when they’re not looking down their noses at you.”

This is true. Albertans and British Columbians don’t always get along. They’re like a couple of distant cousins who are occasionally, and reluctantly, forced to share a table at a family reunion. Alberta looks on B.C. with pious, judgmental contempt, like Dana Carvey’s Church Lady on Saturday Night Live. British Columbia responds with a mixture of jealousy and disdain, peering over the fence as Jed Clampett fills the cee-ment pond with oil.

For an entire generation, Alberta has been Confederation’s favourite child — hard-working, rich, focused, but smugly self-righteous, too, mistaking its abundant, albeit unearned, petrowealth as proof of superiority rather than as an accident of geography. Alberta is a libertarian, doesn’t like government. Supports cigarette machines in daycare centres. Sings O Canada on Father’s Day but is pretty sure Ronald Reagan was its real dad. Thinks Stephen Harper [leader of Canada] is a commie. Drives a Hummer, uses it to kill red meat. Eats hippies for breakfast, deep-fried. Although the Albertaliban’s no-smiling law was repealed, it still glowers like a Sutter.

B.C., on the other hand, is the family oddball, stuck in a room over the garage where it can crank up old Pied Pumkin tunes without bothering anybody but Alberta, who can hear the muffled music through the wall. B.C. works just hard enough to go on stress leave. Regards its abundant, albeit diminished, natural splendour as proof of superiority rather than an accident of geography. Smokes medical marijuana and wants the government to pay. Drives a ’78 Volvo with a kayak rack and still refers to it as “the new car.” Boasts of a diet consisting entirely of “whole foods” (or, as Alberta calls it, “silage”).

The thing is, this economic downturn has narrowed the gap between us, finally given Alberta and B.C. something in common. No longer first class and steerage, we’re just a couple of passengers sharing a boat, buffeted by the storm.

She bent down, freed the still-breathing Albertan from the trap.

“What are you doing?” I asked.

“Letting it go,” she replied.

I took a deep breath. “Better hide the deepfryer.”

I laughed so hard.

My old Volvo is a 1980.

My new one is a 1981. The last time I had a kayak rack on it was 2 weeks ago.

Albertans sound like Texans. Interesting.

Truth be told the only part of Canada I know, is PEI and boy do they like isolation, the rest of Canada can just exist for all they care. They like thier way, and only their way.

Now, it happens that I'm taking Seminar in Northeastern Borderlands this semester which looks at New England and the Maritime Provinces. But for the beginning they have to fill us in a little on Canadian history, about which few of us are knowledgeable. So I'm doing all this reading and regionalism keeps coming up over and over. Are Canadians really so regionally separated in their thinking? (I know the Quebecois are, of course.)

Yep.

It's a huuuuuge country with vaaaast spaces in between cities.

Easterners are way more conservative and straight-laced. For example, you wouldn't go to work in Ontario without getting all dressed up. A wedding guest without a tie would be a source of scandal and gossip.

Whereas in the West we try our best to be even more laid back than the Californians, and take an unreasonable amount of pride in NOT wearing ties to work. Politics follows all of these attitudes as well.

Also, Ottawa (our nation's capital) is in the East, and a few times in the past, the west has said that if Quebec (the frenchies) leave the country, then we would leave too, since the government doesn't "meet our needs", yada, yada, yada.

Newfoundlanders practically speak a different language their accent is so weird.

We're all very different. But the US is quite like that too in many ways I think. Your "stereotypical" Seattle-ite is probably quite different from a New Yorker or someone from New Orleans.

But since we all live so far apart in Canada I think it makes us more insular from one another.

Also, Canada has this huge inferiority complex vs. the US and so we like to be smug about all things that we have that we think are better than the states (and other things that aren't even better ) And I think a lot of that transfers into some provinces (which are like our "states") thinking that they're better than other provinces.

I live on the West Coast of BC and we're the worst I think. We're smug about our location within BC. We're smug about BC's location within Canada. And of course, Canada vs. the US? Well....we win hands down on that one too. (In our minds.)

It's hilarious in a stupid sort of way. If the States had any idea how superior the average Canadian felt towards the average American, you guys would invade tomorrow.

It's like one of the national pastimes.

#1: hockey
#2: beer or weed (depending where u live)
#3: feeling superior to the US (cause secretly we feel inferior )

Obviously, *I* am above such racism, since I'm always slumming 'round here with all you freaky Yanks! (That didn't sound smug at all, did it? )

Thanks, ek. Educational and fun to read!

And it totally justified the bold sentence in part of my response to the readings: According to most authors (Buckner being the exception), regionalism has a strong appeal because Canadians do not have a strong sense of national identity. Perhaps Buckner’s disagreement on the point is a result of his being one of the later works. It is my experience that Canadians have a national identity, although much of it seems to be set in opposition to the US.

Hehe.

But we're sometimes the same way. We in northern New England like to think our maple syrup is better. Why? I never really thought about it much, but probably because Canadian maple syrup has a bigger reputation. I was appalled when some Aussie friends thought Canada was the only country that made maple syrup.

My insane recently minted Islander sister says that Canadians love our president, I think she said, "If they could they'd change the laws and elect President Obama." Well I'm not sure I believe her of course this is a girl who left a library fine so big, I can't use any library in my county! But I figure it's interesting enough to mention. I can't see anybody in PEI wanting him for a leader though. Once I wore a skirt that just came to my knees to church and I thought they were going to burn me at the stake.

I lived in Seattle for 22 years and we are very similar to those in BC as we are both on the coast are drenched in Rain and have lovely evergreen Timber all around us.

When I was in England people constantly told me I sounded just like a TV Talk show Host. I finallly found out that he was Canadian from BC which explained it.

Hi from a Northwesterner Pacific version.

we'll have to go to a seattle con one day!!

I have relatives in Canada. My Canadian relatives and I have our common roots in Scotland, the Ayrshire area. When my Grandfather's brother visited from Scotland many years ago, one of my cousins asked him how much Scottish she was. He said "enough to save you." I used that in one of my ENT stories here, but I had a mixed species Human/Vulcan child ask it of a relative visiting from Vulcan.

HAPPY THANKSGIVING!

I remember that story it was very good. My Canadian family I inherited by marrige. I find that I shock them often without even trying, but they are from PEI, and the entire island has isolationistic tendencies. They call my sister an outsider all the time. It upsets her, but her hubby is wonderful.

Hmmm .... tell her if she doesn't pay up her library fine, you're going to let the neighbors in PEI know...

They know. They don't like me either.