My general theory of Star Wars goes thusly:
When the movie came out, you were either (a) alive, or (b) not alive, yes?
In the case (a) above, wherein a person was, in fact "alive" when Star Wars debuted, they
invariably went to see it. It was the 70's. There was nothing else to do, there was nothin' good on tv..."conditions were perfect" as the Conchords say....and thus ALL people watched it, and were amazed by the light sabers and the Force and what have you ... and were so a-goggle from the sheer and thorough amazingness of it, that they became helpless lifelong fans.
The second scenario (b) wherein a person was "not alive" during the release of the original star wars, is predicated upon the people from the first scenario: Immediately upon sensing the un-starwars'ed status of the small new person (b), any person from the first group (a), is compelled genetically to sit the smaller person down and show them all the Star Wars movies forthwith, as the smaller person (b) was not lucky enough to be alive when these iconic movies came out. The smaller person (b) usually holds this older person (a) in some regard. Thus all the hyperbole surrounding the movie (not to mention the puddles of drool on the floor when the older people were watching) seared an iconic, again helpless, love for the franchise into the tender young (b) brain.
And so it became thus: the mission of all human kind: that those from scenario (a) should educate all those in scenario (b) in the ways of the skywalking, sort-of-talking, Forceful yetis.
Now *I* personally come from a much smaller group. A minority if you will, that comes with it many of the prejudices and inconveniences of any minority-status group. Group (c) (if you will) is composed of those few lost souls, who, though most patently NOT ALIVE when the magic of Star Wars bent everyone's brain, was
not tenderly cared for by a member of the (a) group, and thus
NOT educated in the ways of the aforementioned yeti at a young and impressionable age. This happens when an (a) group member with a broken, malfunctioning brain doesn't bond properly to the Star War molecule during the initial imprinting session (watching the film). They are doomed to straggle through life, having watched Star Wars, and yet unable to grasp that most precious, precious internal nougat-y Force that all the other group (a) members imbibe like Jem'Hadar on the White.
These broken people then procreate, and fail to pass on the vital molecules to their offspring at a sufficiently early developmental stage.
In this case (c), the stunted human offspring tries their best, with the tools they have, to fit in with society.... only to find that-- alas! those untouched by the Force are *not quite*, in fact, full *members* of society.
No. We live on the outside.... wiping the glass.....feebly looking in. Not understanding.
Finally, the (c) person
realises that they are missing a fundamental portion of human televisular DNA, and they *go* and
rent this stupid effin' movie already.
But, sickeningly for all involved, it is too late. Too late alas! The campy 70's movie called Star Wars and its campy 70's sequels may *not* be tasted by a future-dwelling adult Star Wars virgin and appreciated. We stare in disbelief at the tall robot, and the small robot, we stare at a young Harrison Ford, for cripes' sakes, and we--those from (c)--look furtively over at our (a+b) friends who are nodding encouragingly, semi-insane smiles of voyeuristic gratification hovering about their mouths as they watch us deflowered.....and we wonder....just what it is....that they can
possibly be talking about?!?? We cannot finish the movie. We ... cannot.
An essay. By eKayak.
(Ah, Jadzia....a precious cohort of the rare (c) persuasion! How bonded we are in this crazy world, yes?
)
