Randomness

[Alelou]

I'm not interested in arranging for her to mate (she's an indoor cat), or in raising kittens in an area where they are all too abundant. Also, I've got more pressing uses for my income than yet more vet shots and visits.

[Silverbullet]

I always thought that a Cat which had been fixed was content to be an indoor Cat.

I would love to have an animal but wife is against it. Dog or Cat it is all the same to me. A fixed Cat would probably be best as it would be an idoor Cat and would use the Litter box. with a Male there would be no spraying to mark territory on the furniture.

Sigh

SB

[putaro]

We've had a number of "fixed" cats, male and female, that enjoyed going out and running around. In general, getting your cat spayed or neutered is considered to be "responsible" and that's why you do it. My grandmother had a non-fixed female cat at one point and it managed to get out into the apartment building and found a boy cat to mate with without ever leaving the building. Six kittens later we decided that was the end of having fertile animals. Your mileage may vary.

[Kotik]

Had a "surprise visit" today. At 11 in the morning someone rang the door bell like there's no tomorrow. Guess, what - T'were me parents (mother and stepfather). You'd think two years of me denying any contact with them would have given them a clue, but no
What the friggin' hell do these plonkers think? They can beat me up repeatedly as a child and I'll be happy to see them at age 38?? Hell, I'm really starting to wonder if it was really me who needed Psychotherapy

II've decided to check whether or not there are legal ways to dissociate from one's parents.

[Entilzha]

Can't you get a restraining order or something like that?

[Kotik]

How am I supposed to prove that my mother beat me up with an iron pan 30 years ago and didn't stop until I pretended to be dead? She stopped when I ceased any movement despite the pain. Had I not done that, she'd continued until pretending wasn't anymore neccessary. Unless I can prove that she deliberately tried to kill me, I can not get a restraining order in germany. I can't even sue her, since any crimes other that treason or murder are not prosecuted after more than 25 years. Guess it's a pity that I'm still alive

She can show up at my door any time and I can't do a thing

[Silverbullet]

Can't you divorce yourself from them legally?

I guess Murder isn't an option unless you can claim Self defense and that is too many years too late

SB

[Kotik]

Can't you divorce yourself from them legally?

That's what I'm trying to find out. I relocated to West Germany , some 400 miles from my birthplace, but they still show up at my door. If nothing else helps, I'll have to sue them for stalking.

I think, I'm fucked up beyond repair On a day when I look into the dark abyss of depression, I publish a comedy story on ff.net. There're days on which I don't really know if i'm doomed or still alive

[Distracted]

In my experience, forgiveness is the only thing that works. Otherwise your abuser still has the power. Once you've forgiven her you won't care if she shows up on your doorstep. And even if she does show up, she'll no longer have any power over you if you've forgiven her. You'll be the one in control of the situation. As long as you let yourself hate her, though, she's got control.

Think about it this way. Any woman capable of doing that to her child isn't entirely sane. Or at least she wasn't at the time she did it. But it's been a long time. If she's had treatment she may have realized the damage she did and is wanting to ask you for forgiveness. My advice is even if she doesn't ask you for forgiveness, forgive her anyway. You'll be healthier for it. Hate and the desire for vengeance damage the hater a lot more than they damage the one who is hated. JMO.

- Distracted, the eldest daughter of an abusive alcoholic who is now the best grampa on the planet and sober for 30 years only because my mom forgave him, too.

[Silverbullet]

Dis, nice words but believe me I could not forgive y mother, ever.

What she did was ut of malice meant to hurt and keep hurting.

SB

[WarpGirl]

In the end we are only responsible for OUR OWN actions. And living a life full of hate for the people who hurt us, doesn't hurt them at all. It only hurts ourselves. In the end it only gives abusers what they want, validation and power over their victims.

WG a small child hurt by people she was supposed to trust.

[putaro]

Hell, I'm really starting to wonder if it was really me who needed Psychotherapy

I'm sure they could use a dose. WG is right, you need to move on and don't let what they did to you control you. For what it's worth, you're not alone. My childhood was messed up in many ways (though I didn't get any physical abuse thankfully) and I thought that everyone else had normal families. As I've gotten older I've learned that there are plenty of messed up families out there, they just do a good job of hiding it.

[Weeble]

V'K

I guess I was fortunate 'cause while my teenage years were tough...nothing like that. I agree with Distracted. It may be the hardest thing you think you will ever do, but forgive your mom.

The real beneficiary will be you.

My best

Weeble

[Alelou]

Too ... hot... to... garden. IN MARCH. Usually it's too cold and damp/frozen. I'm going to the annual flower show tomorrow (after I drop poor little kitty off to have her lady parts fixed). Usually they have to force the trees and shrubs into bloom for the indoor displays. This year the ones OUTSIDE are already popping (I have to wonder if the flowers will already be past it in the auditorium). Part of the reason I go every year is because I so treasure the smell of dirt and growing things -- but I've already been mucking about digging and transplanting in the garden all week. This is weird, weird weather.

I hope this doesn't mean we've got a long, hot dry summer ahead.

[WarpGirl]

It's 85 where I am.