CX wrote:My problem is that I do take things personally, I don't let things roll off my back, and I'm damn stubborn and won't let go of things. I've tried being better about it, but mostly I just have to stay out of it completely if I'm not going to get mad at people I don't really want to be mad at.
.....And I mean this totally up front and honest.... no trying to make you mad here....
but don't you feel that that attitude gives OTHERS a lot of control over YOUR life? I mean, that means, *I* could get you all whipped up right now if I felt like it (and not in a good way) just by
saying certain words to press your buttons (typing them actually). This gives me power over you.
I, on the other hand, am very difficult to offend. As you MAY have noticed

I'm somewhat outspoken. And yet, I am never offended by what others write back. You guys are all OTHERS. That's just it. You're not in my head. I am. In fact, the lamer I think someone's opinon is, the less offended I am by it, since it is so far removed from what I believe to be correct. I just do my best to stay calm and explain my own side. Even away back when everyone was flipping pancakes over a certain chapter of one of my stories. If you read the comments, I stayed completely calm the whole time. (Well, maybe gritting my teeth a little in places, but...)
If I'd flamed everyone and flipped pancakes back, then it would have been a massive fiasco, and I'd never have finished the story and I'd have left Trip/T'Polers in a cloud of rage. Why would I EVER let OTHERS drive me to this sorry end? No matter how silly or closedminded they might be being? Why let OTHERS mess with MY apple cart? I love coming here. Why allow someone ELSE to drive me to a state that causes me to want to leave?
It makes no sense at all to give others this power.
I state all my opinions, and I hear others' opinions, and I figure...
I certainly am mostly concerned with
myself in
my own head....I bet others are mostly concerned about
themselves in
their own heads...certainly not ME.....so why invent drama and insult where there was none?...or even if there was some...why take things personally? Nothing *I* do is because of anyone else. And nothing anyone does is because of *me*. We're all just in our own heads. We just all make our own choices of how to react to life.
For example. I say: "you are stupid."
Now, if I said "you are purple", you'd just shrug and go, "uh, nope, I'm not purple," and you wouldn't be offended.
But I say: "you are stupid", instead.
You very likely might get all het up and be like "yo bitch! i am NOT stupid! where the F do you get off! YOU'RE stupid! BITCH!" and so forth. And "rightfully so" and all that. But
you know you're not stupid, so why get offended just cause I say so? In fact, if you DO get overly offended if someone calls you stupid, one would likely conclude that you *are* a little sensitive about your personal stupidity and you're sensitive about it being pointed out. If instead you just go the "uh, nope, not stupid, not purple either" route, you've just saved yourself a lot of stress.
What do you care if *I* say you're stupid? Is everything *I* say Gospel? Hardly.
I should be able to tell you that you're a loony-faced baboon with no more brains than a toilet brush, and it should roll right off your smart little back. Because you are
not a loony-faced baboon, and you should feel
confident that you are not.
The book that taught Priso and me to live like this as much as we can was
The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz. A very short, very sensible book that lays out this type of thinking much better than I have here. (It's in every used bookstore too.) It draws from Toltec, Christian, Muslim, and lots of other philosophies to simply explain how
nothing anyone does is because of you, how you can choose to be happy or sad or angry or content in nearly every moment in your life. It's all simply in how you choose to perceive the events that occur around you.This gives you total control over the frame of your own mental existence, and thus over the world that you see. It frees you from the constant strain of worrying and fretting over the unchangeable opinions of the 6.6 billion others around you. It frees you from being upset over trifles that you cannot change.
Amazing book.
Anyhow....just my thoughts....

Interested in yours.....