Little Red wrote:Spoilers, etc.
Section 5
It occurs to me that the title still hasn't been explained. Since T'Les is not, in fact, alive in your story (which disappoints me tremendously), I'm now wondering if this is some sort of story that Trip is telling his kids about how he and T'Pol got together, and if that is the case, I would hope he's leaving out some of the steamier bits. *pictures little traumatized half-Vulcan faces*
Anyway, section 5! I'm promised Travis in this chapter by your author's notes, and I'm pretty stoked. I get excited when he gets lines even in fanfic.
This meeting of the Solkar Fan Club (closely tied to the T'Pol's Mom Fanclub and the T'Pau Fanclub) opens thusly:
The Vulcan returned it with due intensity, the gravity of Tucker’s responsibility weighed on him heavily and he illogically worried for T’Pol’s safety.
To which I say, um, that is not at all illogical, and I can't believe he's LEAVING THEM ALONE! On the shipper side, I am all pro them having a sweet, intimate marriage ceremony. On the practical side, semi-braindead Vulcan + human with 3 days of training does not seem like it bodes well for massive brain recovery. Solkar, as a member of your fanclub, I advise you to stick around and make sure nobody dies.
After helping her onto her knees, staring at Trip was a white-clad woman, trembling through her sheared nerves in anticipation.
Oh man. Most people only have to avoid stammering on "I do." He has to cure her Vulcan brain from scary trauma. *feels for him*
Pushing food around with her fork, Ensign Sato looked up at Anna Hess across the table. “It was only a peck on the cheek,” Hoshi smiled guiltily.
Heeeeee. The timing on this is wonderful, leaving Trip and T'Pol in the meld for a bit and giving this nervous reader a break! The other Hoshi/Malcolm scenes felt a little tacked on to the main story, but this flows perfectly here. You've got a knack for bringing us back to the ship right as I start wondering "Hey, what's going on with the ship?"
Also, is it just me, or is Lt. Hess the unofficial mascot of this archive? I could've sworn I've seen her come up in other fics before...
“Just because he didn’t jump on you and start shoving his tongue in your mouth,” Hoshi broke into laughter, interrupting Hess who reacted to her own joke the same. “Doesn’t mean he isn’t interested,” she insisted.
HEEE. Somehow your guywriter crystal ball has allowed you to intuit that yes, that is actually EXACTLY how women talk to each other when guys aren't around. Hehehehehe. Also, to Hoshi: Malcolm's a bit desperate at the moment, and really, you have nooooothing to worry about.
“I know the way he looked when he ran out of Engineering the day Captain Archer came down to tell him what happened,” Hoshi was clearly paying total attention.
Shaking her head lightly with a bit of a jealous smile tugging at her mouth she explained. “He’s in love with her,” she said with certainty.
Totally unnecessary beta-reader-like comment for a fic that's years old -- sometimes the paragraph breaks get a little strange, and I have a hard time figuring out who's speaking. Should you ever do a major overhaul, check for that.
Hess looked across the room silently – a smirk crawling across her features. She looked at Hoshi, “I think I just went back on duty,” she smiled suggestively at a confused Ensign Sato. Exiting the Mess Hall, Hess passed by Malcolm Reed as he approached Hoshi’s table.
DAMMIT! You have gotten me excited for a Malcolm and Hoshi pairing! I suppose my general feeling on Hoshi pairings is that Hoshi is awesome, and should get whatever she wants. (Yes, I'll be in trouble if she decides she wants Trip. Um. I can't help it! I'm a linguist, I feel a kinship.)
She smiled nervously, “Hey Lieutenant, have a seat!” she cordially invited. His smile fell slightly at her use of his title, but he pushed the thought away. He would find out soon enough. If I ever manage to bring it up, he thought to himself as he recalled the rehearsal session in his cabin earlier that morning.
And now you get some beta-reader-style props. Typically, I can't STAND it when POV switches during a scene, because writers seem to do it quite jarringly. You've found a way of doing it often enough, and organically enough, that it doesn't distract me at all. A+! (This is when you, as Fleet Admiral, pet the little Lieutenant Junior Grade on the head and say yes, I'm glad you approve of my TWENTY-EIGHT MEDALS OF VALOR. Isn't there a warp coil assembly that needs cleaning?)
The comm. system broke into the Mess Hall, “This is the Captain. I’d like all senior officers to report to the Situation Room at 0900.”
Hahahaha. I'm going to pretend that Archer has some kind of excellent psionic powers that let him figure out exactly the best moment to make a shipwide alert. *giggles a little punchily* Because he's Archer. And if he was able to, he would so do these things on purpose.
“T’Pol?” his crackling voice strained to be heard. His eyes were still closed, the exhaustion lay heavy on his shoulders but he was desperate to know if T’Pol was all right.
The chamber lie quietly lit, the two mates lying side by side, collapsed into sleep. A gentle touch gripped his shoulder, “Commander, it is done. You must rest.”
Whut? *scrolls up* Oh, you're making me guess what happened in the meld as some sort of evil literary device, aren't you. But who cares! He fixed her! Huzzah!!
“You can’t walk on your own yet, the doctors told you to take it easy for a little while,” Trip chastised his fiancé.
*bops him* Wife, dude! That's what all those Vulcan words meant!
She opened her mouth to speak then paused and slowly closed it. He eyed her anxiously, waiting for whatever she had to say. It was frustrating him that he had to ask, that he couldn’t feel her inhibitions, her thoughts and her fears.
Hmmm. I guess it was just the brain-death, then, that made the bond so intense? Fair enough. And, honestly, yay, because it will make for a relationship that's much funner to read.
Ensign Sato carried on a quiet conversation with Ensign Mayweather
THEIR LOVE IS SO OFF-CAMERA! Sorry. As you were.
In Commander Tucker’s absence she was designated senior engineering officer, much to Lt. Commander Kelby’s furious embarrassment.
Oh. No fair. I was kind of hoping Kelby could've gone to Columbia by now and had fewer people hate him.
“T’Pol was attacked on Vulcan. Starfleet is concerned that the Vulcan High Council isn’t being forthcoming and they believe the situation could have serious political repercussions for Vulcan and Earth.” It was now T’Pol’s turn to look utterly confused.
"Also, I hear that there's a Crewman Daniels in engineering school who might have something to do with it."
Love the bit back on Vulcan with Solkar, but I'm a bit confused timeline-wise, if she has to be in a wheelchair for two days, but then has crutches on the ship a few minutes later... you know? I'm not going to worry about it.
She rose and relit the meditation candle to reach out for her Mate. The desperate desire to find his thoughts and feel his emotions touch her once again disturbed her, and she pushed the realization away. The appetite for his emotional chaos stuck out in her mind, distorting her focus on the goal of finding his mind once again. She retraced the last week in her mind, everything that had happened… everything that has changed. She realized the fear of losing control of his emotional bombardment was gone. She knew the power such emotions could have over a Vulcan and feared she was losing her mind if she didn’t fear such a power.
Oh, T'Pol. This is wonderful. I'm feeling deeply sad for her here that her mother isn't alive anymore -- I imagine the two women could have had some Vulcan-y, unspoken bonding about how sane reason and mating have nothing to do with each other.
No Vulcan has, you were the first to initiate a bonding meld.
Errrrr... the first to initiate one with a human, maybe, but I'm sure other Vulcans have done it before, especially if it's so instinctive.
“She wants to promote me. And make me a senior flight instructor for Starfleet flight school.”
NOOOOOOO!! Don't take my Travis away!!!!!
Now with foreheads nearly touching, Trip whispered across the bronze of her cheek. “I can’t hear your thoughts, darlin,’ but I can still tell when you’re nervous,” a guilty smile clinging to him.
You know, I'm sure I'm in the Trip/T'Pol minority here, but I think I like them better without a strong, ever-present bond. I'm loving your story and all its bondiness, don't get me wrong, but there's something so... precious about the way they have to learn everything about each other, from the most basic cultural differences, purely based on the strength of how much they love each other.
“I have,” her voice cracked in a whisper before she could continue. “Missed you as well, t’hy’la,” she cooed, lifting a hand to run it through his hair.
Squeeeeeeeee!! That's what I'm talking about! *flaily-hands*
-- Little Red, who is in the process of writing fan mail to you c. 2005 to keep Travis around for my amusement, please.
*Thinking of Family Guy's wacky waving inflatable arm-flailing tube-man warehouse and emporium*
I couldn't stop laughing just reading your comments
. I can see your point about most of your contentions. I know you're being like 95% positive, so it's not like I'm trying to say "oh this isn't wrong, I'm PERFECT!" but the littlet hings you don't like, keep in mind that this was not only my first fic, but it was UNbeta'd until like... chapter 15, haha, or some crazy shit like that. I was just writing too fast for the girl who agreed to beta for me to even keep up. It was just pouring out of me at this stage in my TnT career.And, I've had similar comments about how I break up paragraphs. I'd say it's because I just have my own style of how I want the reader's attention to move between speakers. Actual writers have said that it's just a product of my largely naturalistic approach to writing (i.e., I'm not a grammar genius, I just write what sounds good in my head) and sometimes that doesn't sound good in other peoples' heads. I was also told that the language gets a little "purple". Basically if you hear a really unusual turn of phrase, half the reviewers would say they loved it, half would say "what? that word doesn't mean that?" and I'd have to pull out and quote the 14th listed meaning of the word on the Oxford English Dictionary online
. I can still remember the argument about the word "shroud". And people telling me grown men don't "coo", . MAYBE WE DO! UNDER EXTREMELY PRIVATE CONDITIONS! Anyhow. It's interesting to hear how you feel about certain characters/issues, because of how I know that they go. The only thing I'm going to tell you anything about is the title. You know how JK Rowling claimed that before she ever wrote the first of 7 harry potter books, she had the last scene of the last chapter of the last book in her head? Well, you won't see the meaning of the title of this story for awhile
, but c'mon, it's pretty obvious.BTW, speaking of going back to your "less vulcan" life. I was wondering how you had like unlimited amounts of time just continuously read this fic. I was greatful! I got to get more feedback!
, but I was wondering what the rest of your life was up to .I seriously lost it in laughter at "Wife, dude! That's what all those Vulcan words meant!" Maybe sometimes my guywriting creds show themselves when I don't even MEAN for them to,
.BTW, when you DO finish Part 1... keep in mind (well you'll see in the dates), that Part 2 came like 2 YEARS or so later. MOST of my fanfic was written between YMAM1 and 2. So... I'm not saying I got better, but if you see differences in style or treatment of Trip and T'Pol, from 1 to 2, and if you care at all to see what other kinds of stories I explored them in, those other fics might help explain that.
*runs away before being accused of enlisting my own fic bunny*
Ah, and the medals of valor? classic.
Are you a linguist? I learned Spanish and German in HS and Russian in college, yay! Yay Hoshi!
, former United States Marine Corps Officer Candidate by the grace of God... fanfic ninja by night! 
... and lots and lots of other unsavory things.
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