Did T'Pol NEED the Trellium D?

[WarpGirl]

Well since we've never met I can't say you're wrong or right. And I would hope you wouldn't be able to say I'm wrong or right.

[pdsldl]

Meeting has nothing to do with being right or wrong. What's she's talking about is all about feelings that just happen and are outside of our control. The control comes with what we choose to do about those feelings. Most of us have been there (whether it was simply a physical attraction or love) and know that at times it can be very difficult to ignore those feelings.

[Aquarius]

^ Exactly!

[WarpGirl]

If you can shut it off, then I'm tempted to say that what you're experiencing isn't really a crush.

How can anyone say that about a person you never met?

[Alelou]

Because they find it hard to believe that you are fundamentally unlike them and every other human they know.

[WarpGirl]

Sorry I am. So are a lot of people.

[pdsldl]

Because some things are universally human. And love and sexual attraction are just two of those things. We experience things slightly different but we all experience them. If you've been lucky enough to have felt that way you'd know exactly what we're talking about. If you need someone that knows you to explain then I suggest you ask people who are close to you about their own experiences. Maybe then you'll see what we mean.

[Alelou]

I can't help thinking this is a matter of semantics, because it's just kind of unbelievable to most people that someone else can go through life and never develop a helpless crush on anyone else. Maybe if you're really young, I suppose it's possible.

Doesn't mean you act on it, admit it, tell another soul about it, etc. Just means you think, oh my, that person really makes my little heart go pitter patter when he walks in the room.

For example, in addition to all the boys who ever made my face flush and my heart pound, I've had crushes on teachers, professors, a guy in my writing group, and a friend's husband. Not good, not one of them, and I never did a thing about it (except maybe decline some activities I might have otherwise accepted without a second thought). I would go so far as to say you don't really get a chance to know your true character until you DO experience a serious crush -- especially if it seems to be mutual -- and manage to resist temptation.

[honeybee]

Hell, I once - and only once - developed a crush on a very hot, smart 24 year old student of mine. And I could have hit that in a second. And it's not against my school's policy and I was single at the time. It would have just been a wildly unethical abuse of my authority. So, I kept it in check. Talked it through with a trusted friend. Made sure the door was open during my office hours. It passed.

So, yeah - sometimes crushes are unavoidable - it's how you handle them that makes you a professional.

[Aquarius]

Like...quitting your job so you can date your boss.

(Guilty.)

[honeybee]

Actually, that's a pretty professional way to handle it. Choose. Job. or Boyfriend. Don't try to do both.

A little tougher when you are stuck on a Starship though. That's why if there really were starships, I think the captains should be married and have wife or husband aboard - just not under their direct command.

[WarpGirl]

Who said I never had a crush before????????? See this is what drives me absolutely crazy, I give one piece of personal information, in order to illustrate my perspective on a topic and people who don't know me at all make all kinds of crazy assumptions, based on what...One sentence that does not hold the sceret to my inner soul. I actually have had a heart pumping, face-flaming, can't eat, can't breath, crush. In fact I've had lots of them. And yes I have had them on people that would have been horrible for me in the past!!!!! However, I've learned to have an off switch emotionally. If it happens I refuse to let myself go there, I cut off all contact if possible, and I don't let myself think about it. I literally turn it off.

People are fundementally different when certain circumstances force them to be different. And when I say fundementally I mean it. What I think is absolutely horrible is when someone says something like "you must not know what real love or a crush is..." and you've never even shook my hand! Aquarius made an illustration in the fanfic thread about people criticizing a person for what they eat. Well I think stuff like this is much worse. Nobody has the right to tell someone their own life experience is impossible or wrong.

Now I am going to mourn the slow agonizaing death of a fun topic. Because I don't know what the heck we're doing here.

[Alelou]

You don't see that if you've had a crush, then you obviously had an on switch that had to be turned off? That's why I still see this as an issue of semantics.

You're saying you can turn off a crush once you realize you have it.

Okay, fine. Other people can do that too. You apparently just have truly remarkable speed and efficiency at it, that's all.

[WarpGirl]

Of course I have an on switch! Otherwise I wouldn't have to turn it off OBVIOUSLY, I'm not a sociopath. To each his own can we drop it now?

[Transwarp]

<drops by to see what's going on>
<notes overturned tables and broken dishes>
<makes a hasty retreat>